In what can only be described as a move to shut The Onion up, Apple just satirized themselves by creating the ‘Stupidest iPod ever.’ Somehow, most of us got over the lack of a screen when the first Shuffle came out, but two generations later and now there aren’t any controls on the device either. What we’re left with is a bland piece of metal with a clip. The controls have been moved to the headphones, which pretty much means you’re forced to wear those pretty white buds. But who cares about controls, this baby is smaller than a AA battery!

To somehow compensate for the lack of a screen, Apple has added a text-to-speech feature called ‘VoiceOver’. It’ll provide the names of your songs and artists, as well as your playlist names. Thus making this the ‘Best iPod for Blind People’ too. Can you tell I’m disappointed with the Shuffle 3g? It is a complete joke. A half-assed product that even Apple seems ashamed of, since it was just quietly announced this morning. Not only does it look plain, locking you into one set of headphones is just as bad as having a full library of DRM’d songs to me. The Shuffle 2g was nearly perfect. It was just the right size to clip-on your shirt, or jeans, it came in a variety of colors, and had easy to use controls. Why would any company take a step backwards from that.  The Shuffle 3g comes in silver, or black with a stainless steel clip, has support for MP3, AAC, and gets about 10 hours of battery life. The 4GB model is available today for $79